A Prayer Said (Too Much)

wrinkle eyed 

his last bit

heavy and dream filled

forgetful and light-less

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

a brute departure—

like all things man made  

out of anger buried—

no man could father a brute like me

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

created a recurrence 

blooming bitter black 

in all directions 

eagerly and abundant 

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

torments of longing 

dissolved into memory 

turbulence turned severance 

a swift destruction 

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

half wanted child

tough and untamed 

take a deep breath mijo—

you are nothing like him— 

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

making most of martyrs

of cadaverous blooms 

yielded by his hand

adorned inwardly

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

hay palabras volando 

the lilacs scent breezing coasts

hay palabras breeding

the penumbra 

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

unpurged by epitaph 

purged by undulation 

ephemeral and unending 

take the lesser of sorrow passed 

Dios mío,

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

some losses last 

where conquest sang its thundering tune 

or love relinquished where shores are fixed 

in summers’ hot afternoons

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

delicious evenings 

overflowing with willows outstretched 

towards empty roads

a gutted world

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

a paradox without 

faith flailing and failing 

far-flung father

and his furtive son

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

our past snarls— 

I have learned this much:

chaos composed and tucked

in the backs of closets 

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

a buzzing star once

shined, even from the city,

enough to light my world

then we were both sold

Dios mío,

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

I am no native in his land

donde los demonios gather—

there is no place without

his face or mine

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

I am most of him—

aquí at the roots 

hijo de humo

dressed in barbed wire 

Dios mío,

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

touch my chapped lips 

savor salvation where it drips

from my tattered knuckles 

inhale exhale my savagery 

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

I want forgiveness—

this misery of mine

I feel it breathing here

and it could kill a man

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

clear water and carnations 

washing flowering 

over my skin—

weeds below

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

Mijo, it’s okay to be angry,

whispered a boy without doctrine— 

there are not carnations enough 

to cover these wounds

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

do not marvel 

at this head on collision 

forged in your flame

fueled by rage, your image

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

there is a day coming

ineffable—

to count the days 

 use limbs and dead tongues

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

I became ears when ears wouldn’t listen

fell from the shoulders

hid under the tongue

where grief is cloud filled

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

easy as it falls

as easy as it drifts

sacksful of the unsayable  

freed from under the sun

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

If chance exists—

remember where weeds grow

the sunless summers

where your name lived

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

even if distant

the taste of vowels

the consequences 

the understanding de nada

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

except the exactness of grief 

the folded hands

loitering the dreamyard

beyond this: the need to know

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

twice I believed in man:

once with steel between

weakened hands— 

careful where you aim chamaco

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

then again, without words,

one hand steering

the other choking a brown bag

a silence holding the tongue 

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

since most of me

rejects innocence 

I contain a past grace

only so long as I choose indifference 

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

stamp of remorse 

temptingly spread

and desired

cautiously

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

stamp of time

an autumn bloom

a time more bold

more rich and more clear

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

pops,

I have sat down to write this,

aged rye in hand, 

a quarter century 

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

further from you than ever 

to say this:

of all the men 

you were chosen

Dios mío,

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

to be a father

and I your son

chose separation 

because my mother: umbrella-less

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

in short, 

we share no past

my second childhood

spent dodging rain

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.

the storm has stopped, 

and there you are,

chest out, a chimney, 

where grief stood.  

Dios mío, 

I will sing of the Cardinals 

and Blue Jays tonight.